I’m not good enough.
Do you want to hear a story? It’s probably one that you’ve heard before at least a thousand times. Ready? I’m not good enough. Want to hear another story? I’m not pretty enough. How about another? I’m not smart enough. Maybe you walk up when two other people are talking and they get quiet. Were they talking about me? I look really bad today, maybe they were talking about that. Maybe you’re getting ready to walk into a new group of friends, for the first time. They probably won’t like me. Why does she have a boyfriend and I don’t? She’s prettier than I am. Why does she always have the best clothes? Probably because I’m fat and can’t fit into the same things.
These are stories we tell ourselves these stories everyday. We manifest them thinking that we aren’t enough. Someone is always prettier, thinner, or better than we are. We fight feelings of insecurity, anxiety, jealousy, and loneliness because of our inner dialogue.
Here’s an example of mine:
I really wanted to join a coed softball league. For three years, I would make up excuses: I’m too busy with work, it’s difficult to meet new people, I’m not good enough because I haven’t played in so long, you name it. But this year, I bit the bullet, jumped in with both feet and joined a free agent team. I, somehow, even convinced one of my best friends to join, too—which was great, because it made me way less anxious. We’d have fun, right? Right?!
First game, I was up to bat and hit a pop fly that was caught. I’m out. My bestie, hit a ground ball and barreled to first base, tripping and landing on the bag. On her way there, she tore her leggings, was bleeding on her knee and the next day we’d learn that she didn’t just rip her leggings… she fractured her elbow and wrist leaving me to play on the team…by myself… with no one that I know. So, every Tuesday night that I have to get ready and go to a game without her, I have these stories that I’m not good enough, that I can’t play well and the whole team hates me because of it. It’s silly to think and I know that none of this is true because I can throw, bat, and field, but it causes real anxiety.
We live in such a sad world that sometimes, we’re so scared of other people tearing us down, we tear ourselves down in the event that it maybe it might hurt less if we do it, ourselves. But, it doesn’t. In all actuality, it cripples us into thinking that we’ll never be good enough for anyone and that just isn’t true.
When the anxiety filled Tuesday nights come around, I tell myself, Britt you can do anything for sixty minutes. In fact, it’s my mantra when I’m on the field: you can do anything for sixty minutes…you can do anything for sixty minutes. I repeat it and repeat it and repeat it and before I know it, our game is almost over and I’m having a blast watching people come together and rally as a team. And, while I may not ever try out for softball again, I know that I’ll have given it my all and not dropped when things felt difficult.
We ARE enough. I know it sounds cliche, but don’t compare your journey with anyone else’s because the truth is, we aren’t like anyone else and Psalm 139:14 puts it best: “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” We are all handcrafted into being our own person, from our own mold, so remember…
When you begin telling yourselves these stories, thinking that you are not enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, a good softball player, or if you feel discouraged as a mom thinking you’ll never have it together, remember that our Lord has created us all so differently, multifaceted and completely wonderful and beautiful. And, if he’s done that, what more should we fear? We ARE good enough!