The Words You Never Want to Hear......

Posted on January 21 2019

The Words You Never Want to Hear......

"Well it could be that your baby has Triploidy which is 100% lethal, or that she has a heart defect slowing her growth and will deliver before 32 weeks.” Never the words you want to hear from your doctor at 22 weeks of pregnancy. Brian went into what he described as Charlie Brown teacher mode hearing only wah wah wah before almost fainting and falling off his chair.  I sat there in disbelief taking it all in while the gravity of those words hit me.  I was fine a week ago! How did this all happen?!

I'll be honest, I didn't take too much from it all initially.  When I went in to the hospital Sunday with migraines, I knew that high blood pressure wasn't good but I figured it was something that would just go away.  Another act of spiritual warfare from Satan.  Every time, Royal + Reese is on the brink of something new or good, all hell breaks loose to say the least.  A blow up at work, failing technology, sick kids, marriage struggles, cars that won't start, crashing videos, unexpected bills we don't have the money for, house diasters, etc.  EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

What started as a hobby to sell cute kids clothes, quickly became an exit strategy for all three of us to provide full time incomes for our families.  Never in a million years did we know that God would use Royal + Reese as way to unite hearts, heal wounds, give hope to the broken, and lift up women across the country in all forms and stages of life.  With that platform comes grave responsibility to hold those women's hearts in your hands and to handle them with care.  To love on people in the midst of tragedy, pray for one another in this broken and fallen world, and to support each other in a culture that wants to do the exact opposite.  

Satan doesn't like that!  He doesn't want to see this business succeed.  He doesn't want more people to be loved on.  He doesn't want to heal the broken hearted.  He doesn't want us sharing the love of Jesus, so he has done everything in his power to all but shut us down and he's come very close to succeeding.  

The night before I went into the hospital we received two messages from customers about how Royal + Reese has changed their lives.  It's given them confidence, helped them with depression, given them a bright spot in their day, that they've felt loved by us and our employees and they just wanted us to know how much we mean to them.  The next day I have a 6 hour migraine and end up in the ER with a blood pressure of 183/82.  Coincidence? I think not.

So I said this is a fluke!  It's just another one of Satan's attempts to rattle our faith. He hasn't been able to take us down by messing with Instagram feeds, Facebook settings, deleting 200,000 members in VIP, lowering engagement by 32%, mounting bills,lower sales, and having to cutback employees. So instead, he decided to attack the one area I'm the most vulnerable.  Well he's out of luck. I'm not crumbling.  I'll be fine.  As rare and odd as this is and quickly as it came on, it will go away just as fast.

As the week went on, that confidence started to wane a little.  Wait! This isn't going away.  My blood pressure is still high on meds, I have to meet with a specialist, I won't go to 40 weeks, and I might not deliver with my doctor in the hospital where my other three babies were born.  I ended the week realizing I'm in the fight of my life and the baby's life. That this once "fluke" spiritual attack is now very serious and real, and will change my life forever no matter the outcome. 

I believe God can.  I don't doubt his loving grace or his mercy.  I believe in miracles and I know that he's allowing all of this for something that I currently don't understand.  What I don't know is IF he will.  Maybe it's not his will that we have 4 babies.  Maybe it's not his will for me to live till I'm 80.  Maybe this is my testimony.

So while I sat in that conference room and heard the doctor say, I think you're scared and putting on a very brave exterior, but I need you to be scared so you will rest. Scared? I can't be scared!!!  I've got people that count on me to be strong.  I'm not the crier.  I'm the pillar.  I'm the one people look to in times of adversity.  I'm the one they lean on for strength. I'm the one they expect to always be there.  I'm the one that takes care of everyone else.  How could I possibly be scared?!  But I am scared.  I'm scared to death to be honest. Everything I'm comfortable with has been stripped leaving me raw and vulnerable and I don't like that.  I'm having to sit back trying not to feel guilty that my sisters are running the business without me, that my mom, husband and nanny are taking care of the kids, and people are blessing us with meals all the while I have to sit still.  Those things make me very uncomfortable and yet I have this overwhelming peace that this is exactly where God wants me.

It’s amazing when you’re forced to slow down what your eyes are opened to. You have an overwhelming gratitude for friends that would do anything for you, for a family that uproots their lives to take care of you, you engage with your kids in a new way rather than counting down the hours till bedtime, and you start focusing on the positives in your marriage rather than the things you’d like to change. You realize in the rest and the waiting that God was running ahead of you orchestrating all the details months before, but now you’re able to recognize it because you’re not overtaken by the tidal wave that is life. So while this place is uncomfortable and treading on foreign territory for me, I will praise you in this storm! 

I will praise you in this Storm - Casting Crowns

I was sure by now, God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
That it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear your whisper through the rain
I'm with you
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away
And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone how can I carry on
If I can't find you
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
I'm with you
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away
And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of heaven and earth
And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

34 comments

  • Nina Egan: January 29, 2019

    Tara, your strength and sharing is amazing and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family through this difficult time.

  • Candy Gomes: January 25, 2019

    Tara, what a beautiful women you are to be able to open your heart and soul to women. I pray that during this time of “rest” God speaks to you and gives you peace and comfort and may Romans 8:28 be a stronghold in your life. We have you little Briar and your family covered and lifted up in prayer as you are holding on to Jesus.

  • Jackie Carnahan: January 25, 2019

    Tara I too am the “strong” one and although I’ve not been in your particular shoes, I have been scared,and it slowed me down and made me check myself. God is good, and you have alot of people by your side, near and far. Thinking and praying for you and your family.

  • Jackie Carnahan: January 25, 2019

    Tara I too am the “strong” one and although I’ve not been in your particular shoes, I have been scared,and it slowed me down and made me check myself. God is good, and you have alot of people by your side, near and far. Thinking and praying for you and your family.

  • Jennifer Turner: January 23, 2019

    😪😥 This is so touching Tara. I myself have been in your shoes and know what I felt like and that everyone is different in the way they handle these trials. Your family is so gracious to all of us and helps me smile on a daily basis. Know that I will continue to pray for you all and can never thank you all enough for bringing me out of my slumps I get in. God Bless!!

  • Amanda Bloodgood: January 23, 2019

    Tara you are one incredible woman. I will continue to pray for you, your family, and your business. Thank you for writing this and inspiring me. I wish to be more like you! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

  • Cathy Klump: January 23, 2019

    I am facing my own scary time with the cancer diagnosis I got last year. But you have touched me in a way with this post that I can’t explain. You have encouraged me to continue trusting
    God and trust in his will. I will not let Satan have any part in this! Thank you so much for your testimony in your storm! I am praying for comfort & peace for your family as you go through this journey! Also for Gods will in all of this! Thank you Tara! 💕😢 God Bless You!

  • Megan: January 23, 2019

    Beautiful post, Tara! Trust in God, and know that everything will be as it is meant to be.

  • LeilaCurtis: January 23, 2019

    Continued prayers for you and your baby girl. May God strengthen you and pour out his blessings that you can’t even contain. It is hard to be still but he tells us to be still and know that he is God. Sometimes he needs us to be still so we can hear his voice and all that he has for us. 💞

  • Sarah cheuvront: January 23, 2019

    Beautiful message and God bless you and your family! Continued prayers and encouragement sent your way

  • Megan Deck: January 23, 2019

    Prayers being sent for you and your family! 🙏🏻

  • Elisabeth Adams : January 23, 2019

    Tara I’m so sorry you and your husband are going through this. Praying for you.

  • Merrideth : January 23, 2019

    I know this can’t be easy to share. I felt compelled to comment because I cry reading stories like yours. I can’t stop reading. I can’t stop watching God do his work. I am praying he covers you and your family with his love and grace.

  • Laurie Alvey: January 23, 2019

    Tara, I can feel the raw emotion in this writing, the fear is palpable; the faith immeasurable. My husband and I pray for babies each night, both those unborn, born and not yet conceived to infertility mamas. We have prayed for many babies and praise God for their healthful deliveries. It is a mission for us beginning as we found our oldest in an infertility struggle, that has now resulted in 2 beautiful grandbabies. Praise Jesus! Please know, we will pray for you and this sweet 4th little one! And, for God’s provision over all the people and details that rely on your strength. It is in our weakness that God is so ever present. God bless you and baby this night😘

  • Jackie Cusac: January 23, 2019

    Praying for you and your family. God has a plan, just put all your faith in him.

    You’ve always been a inspiration to many. Will keep you and your sweet baby in my thoughts and prayers….

  • Jacki: January 23, 2019

    You’ve got this Tara! Your prayer Warriors are strong and capable 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻 Rest…Breathe…and Believe 🙏🏻

  • Midge: January 23, 2019

    Hard things are hard for sure but your words are beautiful and my prayer is they take you down to the bedrock of your faith (looks like they have taken you there already) and that you know you are rooted in that solid ground. This post and what you are walking through will surely be a testimony to so many of the women in the R&R family who have held their challenges in the shadows for too long. Praying for you, the baby, and your whole tribe at this time. Praying big God miracles!

  • Alicia Schepker: January 23, 2019

    Prayers for you and your family.

  • Susan Turner: January 23, 2019

    My prayers r with u and ur family during this difficult time. God is in control of your life and whatever the outcome it will be his plan. Hillary Scott wrote and sang “Thy Will Be Done” a couple of years ago. My parents were both dwindling away in a nursing home and that song gave me such peace and comfort during that time. If u haven’t heard that song please find it and listen to the words. I hope it comforts u as it did me.

  • Kelli Janssen: January 23, 2019

    Stay strong Tara, but please rest no matter how hard it is to have others doing the things you would normally do. Your faith is a true inspiration. I love you girls and all you do for your customers and I am sure thousands of us are praying for you everyday! God has this!

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